JCGJ Funny Status Messages

   I miss the days when people’s biggest concern was Marilyn Manson.

   My Pokemon brings all the nerds to the yard, and they're like you wanna trade cards? Damn right, I wanna trade cards. I'll beat you with my Bulbasaur.... :p lol

   ___\(._.\) TO THE WINDOWS (/._.)/ TO THE WALL…

   Judge: "how do you plead?" Me: "your honor I plead oopsie daisies."

   Here, put these floaties on your ankles ...

   Fun Fact: At the end of Titanic, when all the people are dying in the water, you can hear a faint, "Marco" and then an even fainter, "Polo."

   Does anyone know where I can get more Lite-Brite pegs?... I'm trying to finish my Will and Testament.

   I got kicked out of my Community Theater group when the director asked to see me Limp. How was I to know he was talking about walking?

   🎶 I got in one little fight and my mum got scared, 🎶 she said You can't slap Chris Rock because your wife has no hair.

   James Holmes was able to legally buy 6000 rounds of ammo online, and Tommy Chong was put in jail for selling bongs.

   All houses made out of wood are tree houses.

   I've had only had one glass of wine. . . Glass, bottle. . . whatever. . . A bottle is glass, right ??

   The “thank you wave”👋🏼 after letting someone merge their car in front of yours is the one thing holding this fragile society together.

   My ex texted me: I Miss You... So I replied: We're sorry, the subscriber you are trying to reach doesn't give a f*ck

   🎶 ...No mask on your face You big disgrace Spreadin' your germs all over the place... 🎶

   Place aluminum foil in a paper shredder ... BOOM TINSEL !!

   To avoid taking down my Christmas lights, I'm making my house into an Italian restaurant.

   Thank god the U.S. election is over......I almost forgot who Kim Kardashian West is !!

   What if... what if dogs love us so much because they know we're made of bones.

   While un-locking the door I dropped my keys this, and in one motion with lightning quick reflexes I caught them and punched myself in the balls.