Elbow Funny Status Messages

   just got my Xmas wishlist back from Santa with a little note attached... It said "LMAO! HELL NO!!!!

   give us back Heath Ledger in replacement for the whole cast of the Twilight Series and Justin Beiber.... Fair trade?

   : the only A+ I've gotten in life is my blood type

   : Halloween.. The only time of the year where it's ok to take candy from a stranger

   wants a dirty picture of you so I can add it to my Xmas wishlist to send to Santa

   that a friend in need is a friend indeed, but a 'friend' that is ALWAYS in need is getting on my nerves.

   just seen the ex and now sitting here wondering... What was I smoking and drinking throughout THAT whole relationship!

   would like to offer you a helpful tip : Build a bridge.....AND JUMP OFF IT!!

   : Dear Ex, Don't get your hopes up about the pics of us on Facebook. The reason why I haven't deleted some of the photos is purely because I look good in them.

   Dear lady with 4 screaming children at the supermarket.. I would like to either discipline your children or slap you in the face for not learning to control them..

   : Forecast for the weekend - On Friday, mild alcoholism with a 70% chance of poor decisions and impaired judgement close to midnight on Saturday. Increasing chance of regret and hangover for Sunday.

   SEX is not the answer!! Sex IS the question... 'Yes' is the answer! :)

   should've known it wasn't going to work out between me and my ex. I'm a Leo and he's an A$$hole.

   accidentally burnt dinner.. probably a good thing I'm dressed like witch for everytime I open the door, smoke from inside the house comes out and the little kids thinks it's cool

   can't wait til menopause do us part...

   : Awesome story dude.... Which chapter do you shut the f**k up?

   : Roses are Red, Violets are Blue. I've got five fingers, the middle one's for you.

   : Have you ever been the only sober person in a roomful of drunk people? ... Me neither.

   doesn't know whether last night's muchness wrapped up all the partying of 2010 or kickstarted another crazy year of fun fun FUN!

   lost the key to my imagination, and now I can't start my unicorn