Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon The only good thing about Directv vs Viacom is the fact MTV is off the air! The IQs of the majority just single-handedly went up ONE point.
←Rate | 07-11-2012 02:36 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Common sense is like deodorant. The people who need it most never use it!! .......You know the same could be said for condoms!!!
←Rate | 05-23-2012 09:14 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I just started using the new Timeline on Facebook. Maybe I can trace my life back to when I actually gave a sh!t.
←Rate | 01-30-2012 14:07 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Don't take this the wrong way, but you shouldn't be allowed to be a person.
←Rate | 07-07-2013 17:42 Comments (0)  


   messageicon My wife said she is losing her mind. I said "I'm not surprised. You've been giving me a piece of it every day for the past 25 years." Actually, sleeping on the couch with the dog is not so bad. It sort of reminds me of camping out.
←Rate | 07-21-2013 15:04 Comments (0)  


   messageicon When someone says "You just made my day," it makes my day..
←Rate | 10-31-2012 07:26 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Does this hot water bottle and 12 cats in my bed make me look like I've given up on life?
←Rate | 11-09-2012 01:57 by Baddie Comments (0)  


   messageicon DESPERATION is exactly what I look for in a woman.
←Rate | 02-13-2013 12:38 Comments (0)  


   messageicon True colors always shine through smokescreens.
←Rate | 11-30-2010 20:00 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The most valuable contribution social networking sites have made to my life is showing me how ridiculous it was to have ever been intimidated by or feel less than the people I went to high school with.
←Rate | 09-02-2010 06:35 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If only I could get that wonderful feeling of accomplishment without having to accomplish anything.
←Rate | 09-11-2010 19:26 Comments (0)  


   messageicon if your'e on top of the world, it tuns around every 24 hours.
←Rate | 10-01-2010 12:02 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Hating people is like burning down your own house to get rid of a rat. Thank god I dont have a house!
←Rate | 06-30-2010 08:28 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Ability is what will get you to the top if the boss has no daughter.
←Rate | 07-08-2010 13:53 by @seddy90 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If he wants you to be in his life, he'll put you there. You shouldn't have to fight for a spot on the couch.
←Rate | 06-17-2016 14:29 Comments (0)  


   messageicon No thermostat is as effective at regulating temperature as sticking a foot out from under the bed covers.
←Rate | 06-18-2016 08:23 Comments (0)  


   messageicon So far it's been a successful Fathers day. There hasn't been anyone knocking on my door with a "You don't know me, but" opening line yet
←Rate | 06-19-2016 19:42 by FathersDay Comments (0)  


   messageicon My girlfriend told me that I’m starting to annoy her because I relate everything to batman ... What a Joker.
←Rate | 06-20-2016 19:23 by Bruce Comments (0)  


   messageicon If life were a romantic comedy I would be the guy on a date with the girl when the male lead makes his grand gesture that wins her back.
←Rate | 06-23-2016 18:43 Comments (0)  


   messageicon You can sponsor a child in need for the cost of a cup of coffee. I wanna help, but they really shouldn't be giving coffee to kids.
←Rate | 06-26-2016 01:44 Comments (0)  




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