life Funny Status Messages

   Life sucks, But sometimes you get to have sex, And sometimes you get to drink beer.

   My life would be so much easier if I wasn’t intelligent enough to realize how freaking stupid some people are.

   If losing me wrecked your life, you seem to have forgotten what having you did to mine...

   life is short. have a ball, better yet have two

   There’s “hell” in hello, “good” in goodbye, “lie” in believe, “over” in lover, “end” in friend, “ex” in “next”, & “if” in life.

   I find it very funny that all the women who say Trump is a sexist pig are saying farewell to Hugh Hefner who did nothing but exploit women all his life....

   Life is precious and short. If you have time today, make sure to tell your enemies to f*ck off before they die and you're too late.

   My watch died at 11:30pm last night... It was the most incredible night of my life. At 3:00am I was still thinking it was 11:30. I was like "OMG the night still so young!!!!!" And kept on drinking... Yeah, I got home at 11:30pm, good girl!

   We all enter this world in the same way: naked; screaming; soaked in blood. But if you live your life right, that kind of thing doesn't have to stop there.

   ▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒ scratch and you can win free cats for life

   Ok my Guardian Angel, if you're out there, and if you're listening.. Please listen to this one: "I want to keep her, for life"

   I had a near-life experience...I nearly quit Facebook.

   Sometimes I fear that my entire life is a mockumentary

   Some people think football is a matter of life and death. I assure you, it's much more serious than that.

   Any good lawyers out there? I just found out that some broad named E.L. James is using me and my life as the inspiration for the main male character in some book she has out, without asking me for permission or giving me any of the proceeds. I'm outraged

   Kept making the same mistakes in life, so I call them traditions now.

   Seems most people live life to the foolest...

   Instead of moaning about how much your life sucks try getting drunk like normal people

   I'm amazed at how some people have survived this far in life

   There are more important things in life than money. The trouble is they all cost money.