santa AND presents AND christmas AND xmas AND holidays AND elfs Funny Status Messages

   Got Christmas card glitter all over me and now I can't stop stripping.

   Sons Teacher on zoom: On December 21st Saturn and Jupiter will align to form the Christmas star. Me in background: pssst....son ask her where Uranus will be? Son: Teacher where will Uranus be? Teacher: Well it will be over here. [Points to map] Son: Uranu

   If Merry Christmas offends you, then Merry Christmas.

   Tomorrow is December 1st.... The time when it’s totally fine to put Peppermint Schnapps in your coffee every morning now till Christmas Eve!

   Every year, my Christmas list begins with "Dear Santa, my sisters did it. But I have been very good this year, because I'm an angel!

   R. M. Was turned down on his offer to play santa at an all girls middle school.

   If anyone’s wondering what to get me this year all I want for Christmas is summer.

   I try my best to be a thoughtful husband. So, I'm gonna surprise my wife with a new bag and belt for Christmas ! The old vacuum cleaner is gonna run like new now .

   Everything I know about dancing I learned from the Charlie Brown Christmas play

   I am the reason why Santa has a naughty list.

   Joe exotic was going to do a Christmas song, But he hates carols

   Ah yes, it's that wonderful time of year between Christmas and New Years that I like to call "The Festive Perineum".

   Dear Santa! Listen here! I'll keep eating my deer jerky while you give me what I want for Christmas or Rudolph is next. Make it happen fat man!

   What did the little black boy get for Christmas? My bike.

   Christmas and Thanksgiving should be at least 6 months apart. It's insane to see these people again so soon. Absurd.

   Drones over New Jersey? That's just Amazon delivering Christmas presents. No biggie.

   I am the reason Santa has a naughty list.

   Dear Santa: For Christmas this year I want a fat bank account and a slim body with sexy abs, but let's not get it mixed up like you did last year.

   Santa put down the pen! I can explain everything!

   To get rid of unwanted junk during the holidays, put it in an Amazon box and leave it on the porch.