santa AND presents AND christmas AND xmas AND holidays AND elfs Funny Status Messages

   R. M. Was turned down on his offer to play santa at an all girls middle school.

   If anyone’s wondering what to get me this year all I want for Christmas is summer.

   I try my best to be a thoughtful husband. So, I'm gonna surprise my wife with a new bag and belt for Christmas ! The old vacuum cleaner is gonna run like new now .

   Everything I know about dancing I learned from the Charlie Brown Christmas play

   I am the reason why Santa has a naughty list.

   Joe exotic was going to do a Christmas song, But he hates carols

   Ah yes, it's that wonderful time of year between Christmas and New Years that I like to call "The Festive Perineum".

   Dear Santa! Listen here! I'll keep eating my deer jerky while you give me what I want for Christmas or Rudolph is next. Make it happen fat man!

   Christmas and Thanksgiving should be at least 6 months apart. It's insane to see these people again so soon. Absurd.

   I am the reason Santa has a naughty list.

   Dear Santa: For Christmas this year I want a fat bank account and a slim body with sexy abs, but let's not get it mixed up like you did last year.

   What did the little black boy get for Christmas? My bike.

   Santa put down the pen! I can explain everything!

   To get rid of unwanted junk during the holidays, put it in an Amazon box and leave it on the porch.

   Dear Santa! I want a fat bank account and a sexy body with rock hard abs for Christmas. Let's not get those two mixed up like you did last year.

   Fair warning: If I see anybody wearing a Santa Claus hat before Thanksgiving I'm going to give them a wedgie, whether I know them or not.

   Wrapping some Christmas presents and just want to say that if any of you get a really nice pair of scissors from me I need them back.

   Santa, you must be the bravest man around. Who else would let a bunch of deer pull them around in a sleigh during deer season?

   I have a problem with gingerbread people living in houses made of their flesh, but I promised not to bring it up again and ruin Christmas again this year.

   My mom has been attending her own personal Ugly Christmas Sweater Party every holiday season since 1984.