santa AND presents AND christmas AND xmas AND holidays AND elfs Funny Status Messages

   If there are kids singing Christmas carols outside, is it rude to open the door and throw beer cans at them? Because I just did that.

   My Sons Teacher: December 21st Saturn and Jupiter will align to make a Christmas Star

   if you like christmas so much why don't you merry it

   If I want to give someone a bottle of Scope for Christmas.....Would that be rude

   Last Reminder: It's St. Patrick's Day...take down your Christmas decorations.

   My neighbors still have their Christmas wreath on the door. I was gonna knock to complain, but I don’t like confrontation so I just took it.

   Oh! Oh! Oh!" ~Dyslexic Santa

   I bought a new Christmas Tree today. The shop owner said to me, "Are you going to put that up yourself?", "No" I replied, "I was thinking to put it in the Lounge!"

   It wasn't the Grinch that stole Christmas. It was the power bill, the gas bill, the water bill, the phone bill, rent, insurance, car payment, not to mention grocery prices.

   I just returned from a Christmas concert put on by the Bermuda Philharmonic Orchestra, Half way through, the guy on the triangle disappeared.

   A Charlie Brown Christmas, but the tree is Eric Trump’s brainchild: flimsy, artificial, and overinflated by Dad’s credit card.

   No matter how old you are, an empty Christmas wrapping paper tube is still fun to bonk someone over the head with.

   By useing earbuds it gave me alot of practice to un-tangling a string of Christmas lights

   Santa, you break into people's houses and eat their cookies; don't judge me.

   Congratulations to the people who never took their Christmas decorations down you’re almost there

   I cut down my own Christmas tree this year. My neighbor isn't very happy about it because it was in his yard.

   Due to the extreme coal shortage, Santa will be giving out Justin Bieber cds to all the bad kids this year.

   Got Christmas card glitter all over me and now I can't stop stripping.

   Sons Teacher on zoom: On December 21st Saturn and Jupiter will align to form the Christmas star. Me in background: pssst....son ask her where Uranus will be? Son: Teacher where will Uranus be? Teacher: Well it will be over here. [Points to map] Son: Uranu

   If Merry Christmas offends you, then Merry Christmas.