santa AND presents AND christmas AND xmas AND holidays AND elfs Funny Status Messages

   I’m dreaming of a White Christmas and yes I mean cocaine

   I got batteries for Christmas. They weren't included.

   Oh look, yet another Christmas TV special! How touching to have the meaning of Christmas brought to us by cola, fast food, and beer... Who'd have ever guessed that product consumption, popular entertainment, and spirituality would mix so harmoniously?

   Yeah, I can see where decorating your office for Christmas takes priority over you actually doing the job you're getting paid for. While you're at it you might as well decorate the bathroom too, someone might actually give a sh*t in there

   got Santa in a headlock

   Since you're asking....I want a mistletoe belt buckle for Christmas.

   I just want to say "MERRY CHRISTMAS" to everyone, well everyone but you. I shaved my nutz for you and you just left me to die a VIRGIN!!

   "Mrs. Doubtfire" and "The Santa Clause" use the exact same plot formula.

   Due to hacking and terror threats, I'm canceling my Christmas film "Kim Jong merrily on high"!

   All I want for Christmas is for my wife to swallow my egg nog one time!

   Found an industrial size combo pack of Mop-N-Glo and Mr. Clean for my wife for Christmas.

   looking forward to the family tradition of listening to the UK's No 1 after Xmas dinner. Can't wait to see the look on my mum's face!

   tryen to get in the Christmas spirit, but I can't get the damn jar to open!

   Congrats on ur Bar Mitzvah. Today you r a man, which you'll now illustrate by going apes*** over presents.

   hacking Santa's NAUGHTYand NICE list!!!!! x-mas is going to be the bomb!!

   so the Bible says the world is going to end May 21, 2011.. Santa Claus always said the Mayan's got the date right years ago. well thats what the Easter bunny told me....

   Wait til last minute to buy Christmas presents for the elderly, could save you lots of money..

   I can hardly wait for asparagus season! The red and green colors in the toilet remind me of Christmas ツ

   If you got me an Ed Hardy shirt for Christmas, don't worry about a gift receipt...I'll get more X-mas joy out of burning it.

   Friendships are wonderful adventures. They surprise and delight as nothing else can! Just when you think you know the person well, some new wonderful part of them presents itself. Enjoy your many friendships and treasure them for the gift that they are! T