Baddie Funny Status Messages

   If you wear pants in your own home why did you even buy a house

   If my walls could talk, they'd probably say "stop running into me you idiot"

   Congratulations on your internet fame! Now table six could really use some more coffee.

   I'm not celebrating independence day because I still live with my parents.

   Guys, don't take the first step cause girls hate that easy guy. Also, you must take the first step cause they hate the shy one. Good luck!

   I've got hoes in different area codes. (Yes I'm very careless with my gardening tools.)

   The best time to tell your girlfriend you've been sleeping with her best friend is when she starts saying things like "not tonight, I have got a headache"

   Liverpool top of the league. Russia and US on a war footing. New Paul McCartney single. What is this, 1989?

   Sometimes I screw up intentionally just so I can say, “You were right dear” B itches love hearing “You were right dear”

   People who never had suicidal thoughts probably never touched a wet bathroom door knob.

   Sometimes I feel like I respect spiders just because women hate them.

   Let's play a cruel joke on your husband and make a baby for him.

   After a one night stand I scream stranger danger repeatedly until they leave.

   why do some people have a uterus AND a mustache?

   It's true. Girls just want to have fun. And ruin your life in the process.

   Denims are my favourite hand sanitizers.

   It's not poetry, if it's not written in blood.

   If marriage has taught me anything it's that there is no shortage of por n on the Internet.

   Insomnia is for people who haven't tried watching Keeping up with the Kardashians.

   I would never wanna see my girlfriend cry, That why I got a password on my phone.