life Funny Status Messages

   To those who've been to hell & back, screwed by life, broke their hearts, yet still managed to keep a smile on... ...My utmost respect.

   Each day of my life is like a chapter in a book.....deserving of a happy ending....

   The secret to eternal life and happiness could be hidden in the Terms & Conditions and we would never know.

   One of the hardest choices I have had to make in my adult life, give my change to the bell ringer outside of Wal-Mart or spend it in the toy vending machine in hopes that I get the cool watch I was wanting.

   Life was so much easier when girls had cooties!

   I always take life with a grain of salt, …plus a slice of lemon, …and a shot of tequila.

   I hate when Netflix asks if I’m still watching. You really think I got my life together in the last 2 hours?

   If you surround yourself with people who are full of drama, don't b*tch if a sh*tstorm is always blowing through your life.

   Life and I have creative differences.

   If I give you a straw, will you go suck the fun outta someone elses life?!

   won't be able to spend Valentine's Day with the love of his life who keeps him warm, cosy and protected!!! I'm sorry bed but I'll be cheating on you with that b^tçh mistress of mine I call work.

   Life is way too short to have matching socks.

   Maybe if you had a perfect attendance record in school as you do in the club your life would be better off.

   I'd get a life, but it might get in the way of me reaching my potential on the internet.

   The best things in life require no pants.

   Sex so good you need the jaws of life to pry you apart.

   I cant think of a single life situation that cannot be improved by wearing tear away pants.

   Every so often I'll start dating again, just so I can take a break from ruining my own life to focus on ruining someone else's.

   Annoy the Star Wars fan in your life by constantly referring to the force as "nerd magic."

   I am now at the point in my life where I’m excited about finding change on the ground.