Funny Status Messages

   after watching final destination....if a lighter falls down , i'm like " OMG...NOW THE LIGHTER'S GONNA SET THE ENTIRE HOUSE ON FIRE 'CUZ THE GAS IS LEAKING SUMHOW AND ALL MY EXITS ARE LOCKED !!!!.."....

   Ladies; send brother requests to all the thirsty guys so they wont bother you ever again.

   Show me on this doll where the shower curtain touched you.

   thousands of guys want to go for a 1 way trip to Mars... I'm dreaming for a 1 way trip to Venus !

   Never ask a kid what an "encyclopedia" is or was, bc they'll just try and Google an STD.

   Finishing the Monday after vacation is like when Nick Wallenda's feet hit the ground after crossing the Grand Canyon on the Skywire

   even my 16 y/o thinks the 12-12-12 stuff is lame and she's all, like, YOLO...

   I love your personality!!! Especially when your not talking is my favorite!!! JW

   i am giving up giving up for Lent

   Ok so there are Google Goggles and Google Shoes... Wake me when they launch the Google Snuggie!

   still waiting for dane cook to makr a joke about tragedy

   I went to Hy-Vee where there is supposed to be a helpful smile in every isle. False advertising. I had to walk down 5 isles to get help!!

   Being good at spelling is like knowing how to draw a really cool dragon. Unless you are a tattoo artist, no one cares. Skin doesn't auto correct!

   If they call you weird, what they're really saying is..You are a rare beauty and I wish you were mine.

   Maybe one side of the V-shape is longer than the other because geese have retards too in their flock.

   i still don't understand how coffee dehydrates you when it's madewith

   Baby you a song, you make me wanna roll my windows down.......and puke!

   Due to the sensitivity of some people on Faceboo, here is a list of uncomfortable subjects will not joke about:................................................................................................................................ Still here?

   You can lead a horse to water but you can't make him freeze it in a large block and then carve a swan out of it.

   That old pervert is gone