Funny Status Messages

   Flirting words = "Big head", "Punk", "Ugly", & "We gone fight."" ;)

   They say real men! don't eat quiche. Well we'll find out in 45 minutes...

   so bored at work I can't even think of something to goggle

   My favorite Chinese place has the best peepee Coke and pupu platter

   You can stand a broom up any time year round. You just balance it on the bristles. Oh, wait, sorry.... I've been standing brooms up on their own for ages. I must be some sort of broom-standing God. All bow down. Sacrifice your vacuum cleaners.

   Harry Potter Pickup Line: You don't have to say "lumos maxima" to turn me on.

   I'm gonna be your murder consultant. Motherfucker Jones. How'd you get the nickname Motherfucker? When I was a kid I snuck into my mother's bedroom. I've heard enough. I snuck up behind her and then slipped my fingersinto her purse. Purse, he said purse.

   Dear god if you can't make me thin then please just make my friends fat!!!

   My neightbor accross the hall fed his pet snake a viagra now it's a walkin stick

   So I was right! - I tell my wife about buying the genetically modified turkey as I eat the 5th turkey leg

   So is Mary already in labour? How long did she take? And was this God-bloke excited? Smoking at her "stable side"?

   If there is anything worse than seeing a beautiful woman with a dog picking up dog s*%t ,Its seeing a beautiful woman without a dog picking up dog s%|t

   The next time you get a call from a blocked or unknown number.....Answer it and whisper "It's done, but there's blood everywhere". Then hang up.

   Want to hear a joke? "Women's rights"

   I’d love to have a s*x change. Preferably from none to absolutely sh*tloads

   St. Patrick’s Day is coming. Last year, I drank an entire bottle of green beer. It turned out to be Scope.

   Apparently my cat didnt get that memo that dryers are not the place to crawl into...... hes dead now

   Calories? I think you mean delicious points!

   An obese orange man just called Putin a genius. If that doesn't seems unpatriotic to you, then nothing will.

   So cold don's toupee flew south for the winter