Funny Status Messages

   If you raise your children, you spoil your grand kids. If you spoil your children, you raise your grand kids.

   picking a bone with you

   Been walking like an Egyptian and need to visit a Cairopractor.

   Do nudists have anxiety dreams where they show up to events clothed?

   Neighbor kid just told me he let a girl “borrow” his hoodie. Should I tell him now or let him learn?

   I may be ugly but I'm vaccinated!

   the world that tramp lives in any wheres near the land of OZ?

   If my week was a YouTube video, Monday would be that crappy ad that doesn't let you skip

   Do you ever duck your head when driving fast into an underground parking garage? I'm like that all the time.

   Spice up the holidays with random quotation marks: "Merry" Christmas to your family / Merry Christmas to "your" family / Merry Christmas to your "family"

   Time to practice changing 7's into 8's

   I'm not ignoring your call, I just get so excited when I see the caller ID I faint!

   Everytime I see someone not wearing a mask in public that alternative Queen song that goes No mask on your face you big disgrace spreading your germs all over the place pops into my head.

   sprung after seeing a girl walk in with an itty bitty waist and put a round thing in his face.

   I wish you could Google anything. Liikke, "Where the F you ck is my phone?" and it would be lliikke, "It's under the couch dumbass......lol good night peeps!!!!!

   Have you ever been with a girl when you couldn't get it up and once you finally did, you finished in like 30 seconds? Um…me neither…

   I love watching all the fish in my tank suck in the same piece of fish shi t and then spitting it out, thinking it was food.

   Sitting on the toilet dropping bombs and reading the back of a shampoo bottle... My morning in a nutshell

   Proximo Gobernador de Antioquia

   Ok let me get this straight.....bacon is junk food and causes cancer. I do declare the Pigs have watched to many Chik-fil-a commercials and have concocted a diversion. What do you all think? Sounds suspicious? O.o nice play piggy nice play!