Funny Status Messages

   "Sex is a part of nature, I go along with nature." - Marilyn Monroe

   Turns out trolling LinkedIn for ladies to s3xt with was not such a good id

   Good, Better, Best...never let it rest until the good get better and the better turn into the best

   I'm not afraid to admit that I will put on on the first date ladies.

   Lock a vegetarian in a room full of Jack-O-Lanterns and then give them some bath salts.

   I'm just tryin' to stay ahead of my shadow.

   Just drank warm orange juice after I had brushed my teeth, and now reciting "Jabberwocky" in Spanish is my only means of communication.

   Eating a Lunchable should be classified as an extreme sport.

   I must have been extreme snoring last night. I woke up this morning and my uvula was on the ceiling.

   Why is it that is always your right nut that sticks to your right leg ?

   Anaconda Malt Liquor the only malt liquor approved by the american government and when you pop the top the panties drop

   Easter Eggs are themselves when I tell them Chuk Norrris says "Hi"!

   I really like this hoity-toity hospital...they have 2 ply Toliet Paper

   How depressing is it to have a freshman start over you in college sports? I mean you worked four hard years!!!!

   Sorry - But I am already married...but thnx for the offer;)

   For a 3 hour breast exam call ...free touchy 1

   V@gina is such an ugly word for ovary cave

   work me harder, makes me better, do me faster makes me stronger.

   Nothing say's "Happy Mother's Day" like a uterus shaped pizza!

   I wasn't born with a silver spoon in my mouth. All I use it for is to signal my dealer so he doesn't drive past