Funny Status Messages
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the last two status belongs to a Dominican Beauty Amelia :) 
I'm kinda tired of you but in a possessive way.
"I apologize for my vauge statuses on Facebook, they were actually about you. Let's handle this like mature human beings instead." - Nobody Ever
Skirts are so short now, the days of mirrors on top of your shoes are gone forever
Advice from Aunt Fanny: #173 Remember, it's bad luck to be superstitious.
n't it weird when you see someone driving a car they have no business driving? Like when you see me driving away in your car?
there an article somewhere online about how to tell your cell phone it only has a few days left to live?
It's the end of the year, as you know you have to spend all your Flex Spending Account Funds or lose them. Here's a list of the procedures I am thinking of having done... Mustache Implanting, Sideburn Bedazzling, Sun-visor Implant, & Eyeball Swap.
When someone posts this: "Last year was wonderful....this year has been pretty awesome too! Can't stop smiling...bring it on!" It actually means: "I didn't do j@ck $hit."
Even though she never existed, Brent Musberger is hoorny for Manti Te'o dead girlfriend.
I bite my own lip because I can't bite yours.
FarmVille 2 ... Because you're a sequel wanting twat.
People told me I need to go out more often!But the true is I need to shut up more often !
Now FaceBook is putting how many hours ago someone poked you? Like I'm supposed to wake up all bruised and stuff and wonder...no, wait - bad analogy there...
You don't have to be smart, good looking or wealthy to make someone happy.
Jealous? You can't say that just cause I murdered a couple of guys who spoke to you. Oh all of them? Ok let's not focus on the details here.
I should should just move into a bar. It would save me a lot of time plus I’m always at one anyway.
I wonder if smart cars are even street legal.
Given that you can be anything you want on the Internet... I really don't understand why so many women portray themselves as skeeO's
Confession: sometimes, right at the moment of climax, I forget about Dre. 