Funny Status Messages

   Hey dude... There's your car!

   Abuelita , Me das $50? QUE!? Que te de $40? Para que quieres $30 si con $20 es suficiente?... Ten $10 why dale $5 a tu hermano!

   Sometimes I try to reason with people, but invariably they start talking again.

   The good news for AL Franken is this should make him a contender for President

   if the Bible has taught us nothing else, and it hasn't, it's that girls should stick to girls sports, such as hot oil wrestling and foxy boxing and such and such

   Teacher said taking responsibility is key to being an adult and she asked what’s wrong today and who do we blame? Student (7th grade) - I blame all of us for Nov 8th, 2016. Sums it up right!

   I just found out Sarah Huckabee is married. I guess there's a lot of pathetic desperate guys out there. Yikes!

   How did the American Cross the Road? A Cop dragged her there by the hair

   Breaking: Pope resigns to become head Scoutmaster for the Boy Scouts of America.

   Dating Profile – Don’t listen to what my wife says, I’m really pretty nice.

   A buddy asked me what it was like to cook with toddlers so I dumped out a bag of flour, threw a half-dozen eggs on the floor and then we went out to eat.

   Karma is my religon and Earl Hickey is my god =D

   If I ever get married, throw mozzarella cheese, not rice.

   Okay you refugees, idiots aren't terrorist. By definition, they are running away from the idiots. Why are you too stupid to realize this???????

   Women are like roads. The more curves they have the more dangerous they are.

   I tried coke for the first time last night and never again! From now on, I’ll just stick to Pepsi.

   Q. Whats the mating call of a Blackbird? A. Stick it in me Leroy!

   Texas to plan another White Nationalist rally on 9/11. If this doesn't tell you the people in Texas are f-ed up, then there is no hope for you and should stop being an American all together.

   Trump will predict your weight. But if he gets it wrong you win a stuffed animal. No, one of the small ones the big ones are for show.

   My wife's doctor called and I had to take a message. He said her Pabst Beer came back negative. What the hell is he talking about?