Funny Status Messages

   If you were born in september. There a good chance your parents started the new year with a bang.

   True southerners, don't put a ' in yall

   F*ck what you heard, f*ck the b!tch you heard it from, f*ck what you think, and f*ck what you saw, and recognize what the f*ck you see.

   ↖↖↖↖↖↖↖↑↗↗↗ ↗↗ ↗ ←← Fake people everywhere→→ ↙↙↙↙↙↙↙↓↘↘↘ ↘ ↘ ↘

   I'm not playboy, I'm stick to one... its just happen that many girls outside are playgirls and I'm one of their victims...

   8) A crowded elevator smells completely different to short people.

   BREAKING NEWS: Mubarak to remain in office, "I will step down when the Cleveland Cavaliers win a game." More details coming soon.......

   During love making she said "deeper" so I rolled over and started reading her poetry.

   You know it's time to get out of the bath, when your piss is warmer than the water in the bath!!!!

   he was once know as Tiger, now he will be known as Cheetah..u play & you pay, new prenup with a swingers clause since Tiger will never be satisfied with a hole in one....

   remember this, at least canada gave us hockey and a few good actors

   4 out of 5 dentists... leaves one dentist.

   'Paranormal Activity 2' made $41.5 million... Talk about money well spent.

   you can't tune a piano, but you can tune a fish

   Wrap it in foil before checking her oil.

   Don't Think I Can't Live Without You.., I'll Leave You In The Water Like The Statue Of Liberty...

   wondering why his daughter's diaper holds no where near the 22-37 pounds it promises.

   Mother, I would appreciate it if you didn't use scented laundry detergent, I don't feel like walking around smelling like Fresh Mountain Breeze...

   A couple of kids asked me to teach them greatness so I bought all of them Miller light & told them to drink... Anymore questions?

   thinks they should make a Michael Jackson video game