Funny Status Messages
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wondering how much you would do for a klondike bar. 
I'm counting the calories as I eat this double quarter pounder with cheese...Wish me luck weight lost!
on the days I don't show up to work, ima tell my boss, I didn't miss work, I missed practice, we not talking about work here, we're talking about PRACTICE!
Confucious say man who not married not quite ready , when he get married he finished
If I dont see you this Easter, Hide your own balls
Would go play on the playground, but doesn't have anyone to push him on the swings or sit on the see saw with
No, you didn't get me. If you did, I would be screaming in pain, unconcious or dead!
ever have the feeling someone is watching you? I guess it doesn't help that I'm looking into this mirror.
I tried to grow a weed plant before, it didn't turn out so good. Gardening wasn't my calling
Every year at this time I question who decided this Halloween candy is the "Fun" size. These people must really live a boring existence.
Chat line commercials ,,those hot babes getting all sexed up to talk on the phone...yeah right ,guys give your head a shake.!!!!
2016 claimed another one...RIP Rhonda Rousey.
Difference between Canadians and Americans Canadians say . How you doing eh ? Americans say . Hey how you doing .
It's not likely that any of you have ever heard of the Fugawi Indian Tribe. It was a lost tribe that spent their days wandering the plains, endlessly chanting, "Where the Fugawi?"
Fellas.. got itchy balls? Use Vicks vapor rub... your welcome
Ivanka Trump, the latest to join the cast of the confusing reboot to The West Wing.
I believe the only way to save Hawaii is to sacrifice a Michigan and Alabama fan to the angry Volcano.
What type of car does an electrician drive........ A Volts-wagon.
A homeless man asked for money today and instead I gave him my thoughts and prayers. We had a good laugh until he gave me a concussion.
Hot dogs, peas and applesauce, hum hum.... Hot dogs, peas, and applesauce, hum hum. 