Funny Status Messages
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What rock did you crawl out from under and are you going back soon? 
19 billions for whatsapp?! I bought it for $0.99 USD ... I guess the buying department has some justification to do
just realised why my day has been full of people unable to express what they want, failing to consider anyone other than themselves and with unrealistic expectations. Happy International Women’s Day everyone.
Note to self: Don't photobomb someone getting an MRI
My ex asked me to buy her a birthday present. I bought her a coffin to let her know she is dead to me.
Be generous with time! Use as much of it as you can by telling people to get the f cuk out of your face!
If you tell me you're gonna "hop in the shower," I'll picture you naked, hopping around in the shower like an idiot.
Don’t worry if you had a bad day, remember there are people who have their ex’s name tattooed.
You're like the abacus of people. No one counts on you anymore.
If you cry all the time, you will save money on a tear drop tattoo.
Consultants know 243 ways to make love and know no member of the opposite sex
don't worry when you see your ex with someone else, because your parents taught you to give your old toys to the less fortunate
Went from fallin' in love to drunk and fallin' apart
and, liking - you liked your own status by yourself- your own status is like high fiving yourself in public.
all of mankind can be divided in two groups: morning people and those who want to kill morning people...guess for which one I'm cleaning and loading my gun!
I feel like I'm being brainwashed to be into liking soccer commercials....
That moment when spurs get a 20 point lead and I got diarrhea.....
Love is being willing to die for someone that you want to disfigure with acid, decapitate, and send through a wood chipper on a daily basis.
life is just one big mess.....OCD people hate messes....therefore OCD people hate life
I would totally sell your soul for a cup of coffee right now. 