Funny Status Messages

   a guys favorite line to a female "we'll just lie here and cuddle"

   she wishes housework was as easy as cleaning out my fb requests

   the jets havent even made it to the runway lolz.. .

   I am pretty bummed. I found out this morning the hard way that I am in fact, NOT a Jedi. That certificate from Lucusworks now has to come off of my wall. This is a sad day indeed.

   OK Guys (and some of you girls). When someone says something to you and you're not sure what they say...don't just guess, ask so you don;t confuse "stay at my place, for play on my face!" It could be a little embarassing!

   someone asked me what CRS was...I couldn't remember

   DAMN you Farkle for temping me to Roll the Dice just one more time!

   In the wake of the tornado, Fox News is whipping up a frenzy over the plans of some munchkins to build a community center in Williamsburg.

   Dear Simon, why the hell should I do what you say???

   What is with going to the doctors while your sick and they have the nerve to ask how am I doing? "Yeahhh you know I'm doing pretty well just have 2 ear infections and bronchitis no big deal!" As if they don't know I'm not doing too great.

   So what's the dating website for drunk, blonde, recent college graduates who do not want to find a job called?

   There was a decrease in attendence for Saturday's NASCAR event and a Tim McGraw concert. In related news, the 14th summer redneck games were held in Georgia.

   Never get into fights with ugly people, they have nothing to lose.

   "When you see Kentucky's fans, you just wonder. You think how wonderful it would be to go to their school. You wish you could trade places for a day, just so you could experience that feeling." - UCLA player Kris Johnson

   Lev. 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle room there?

   Every morning after my coffee I use the skills I learned while taking Lamaze classes: Breathing techniques, and timing the contractions.  

   Huh, it turns out those WERE droids we were looking for! Son of a b@&*h!

   Now that Pacquiao's won another fight, everyone wants to see him go up against Floyd Mayweather. But we all know there's no 'money' cuz we're in a recession.

   Jimmy Kimmel has declared today "National UnFriend Day." Don't forget to UnFriend some non-friends today. Then tell your real friends how much you appreciate them!

   Just had a train run over his feet, probably his own fault for wearing platforms.