Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Sad news out of Ohio. The inventor or the helicopter ejection seat died from severe head trauma.

   What's the matter with you guys? Did you break your laugh box or something?

   Dear men, Life without women...... Would literally be a pain in the a$$!

   What I if told you, you read that first part wrong?

   using Just For Men on your mother in laws mustache at night wrong ? Asking for a friend ..

   Plans for St. Patrick's Day next year involve putting green dye into some corona's, sitting in my room alone, and watching Supernatural.

   I was just informed that The Purge: Independence Day is just a movie. Does anyone know a good defense attorney?

   The FIRST Rule of Marriage Club is .... She's ALWAYS Right.

   Any of you folks finding that a litter box is just more convenient than a toilet?

   Can we stop calling it medical marijuana and go back to just calling it marijuana yet?

   I was ending my email with 'regards' and didn't realize I hit the 'T' button instead of the 'G'

   Instead of Olympic Gold, Silver or Bronze medals, winners receive copies of a Purple Heart made in China. Losers are fired.

   Breaking news!!!! US Airforce seen dropping naked Trump statues onto an ISIS Stronghold In Northern Syria!!!!!

   Heyyyy Chill out. Were NOT building a wall... Just kidding D-Bagz , of course we are.

   Which one of the Ten Commandments says: Thou Shalt Not Eat Meat On Friday?

   BREAKING: Jimmy Hoffa found buried with Corey Feldman's career. Location: Unknown.

   Wikileaks just released El Chapo's Email too

   It's that time of the year when stores play that rapey "Baby It's Cold Outside" song

   Me: I wish for my dog to live as long as me! Genie: Your wish is granted. You will now die in ten years. Me: Awesome! Way better than what I originally meant.

   Can't believe Gronk didn't wait until 6/9 to retire!