Funny Status Messages

   A couple got married at a Mental Institution recently ..kind of crazy?

   It's so cold out I've just turned 50 Shades Of Blue!

   Being a Buffalo Bills fan is similar to being Rick Grimes. You're pretty much hopeless. When there is a sign of hope... all hope is crushed by the Governor aka Bill Belichick.

   My go-to office prank is to go onto someone's unattended Facbook page and post "I'm undecided, which should I get, Android or iPhone"

   How you get almond milk? Almonds ain't got no nipples!

   That FIFA 16 is realistic. Mine arrived in a plain brown envelope.

   "Yes, I need to check in." "Sir, this is a burn unit." "Yeah, I got hit hard with a battle of the bulge joke about a month ago, and I still have no comeback."

   I ate lunch and Furr's. Apparently the wait staff didn't find it funny that I kept telling them I wanted a furr burger.

   I would never wish bad things upon anyone... but if ISIS just so happened to run into Tom Brady... I wouldn't be too upset.

   People these days will do and say anything to divert attention from their own pathetic lives.

   doesn't care how many dirty looks he gets, he thinks it's funny when his 3 year old flubs up something in public and goes "Oh, Jesus Cwist!".

   Everytime I read "Happy Hanukkah" It reminds me of 'Hakuna Matata''

   At one point yesterday, the whole world was on Twitter...except for Trump.

   Crickets are really loud for something that gets eaten by just about everything

   What's the difference between Princess Diana and Tiger Woods? Tiger Woods has a better driver.

   TRY UR NAME IN JAPANESE:A=ka B=tu C=mi D=te E=ku F=lu G=ji H=ri I=ki J=zu K=me L=ta M=rin N=to O=mo P=no Q=ke R=shi S=ari T=chi U=do V=ru W=mei X=na Y=fu Z=zi. then paste ur Japanese name below share dis ITS FUN!

   If you update your status more than three times in any 24hour period you have too much time on your hands - and should probably get a job.

   I'm looking for a 4 letter word that ends with "unt".......... ........ ........ don't be so crude, I was looking for "Aunt."

   "America finally found solution to avoid population growth thru same sex 👬marriages" LMAO👭

   Hear about Sarah Palin and Michelle Obama posing nude for magazines lately? Yeah Sarah Palin was seen in playboy and Michelle Obama was discovered in National Geographics!!