Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Beer makes you smart. It made Bud Wiser.

   I googled my name, and the first thing that came up was the wikipedia definition for smatass. Google knows me sooo well.

   in west,dates were divided in two parts A.C. & B.C...in USA its now divided into three parts A.C., B.C., and 9/11

   I bought some batteries... but they weren't included... so I had to buy them again...

   She is my best freind You break her Heart I Break Your Face

   wondering...Do you think stores would open another resister if I brought a flame thrower in with me? I f****n hate to wait!!!!

   Xmas idea. Mistletoe tied to my belt buckle. Hope this works.

   I'm deleting some friends off my facebook...you may not make the cut. You have been warned. Have a great day. :D

   once got busy in a Burger King bathroom.

   Why did the pirate go to the Apple store?To buy an iPatch!

   world oldest attractive women celebrates birthday at 43

   Excited to go see saw, but then we pasted the park and went to the movie theater.

   Why does David Hasselhoff call himself "The Hoff"? Because he couldn't put up with the hassle.

   Someone just told me to "have a blessed day." What do you even say to someone like that? I just hissed at them.

   Voted for Romney, Obama self(:

   Does Trump really want people to kill themselves in order to improve the economy and to make his poll numbers rise? That's messed up!

   Caitlyn Jenner claims Bruce fondled her for over 50 years.

   I took a sip off my dads beer #thuglife

   STOP whatever your doing, DROP the weed in the paper, ROLL a fatty

   It takes longer than 2 years to clean up 8 years of Elephant Dung but feel free to blame it on the guy with the broom.