Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Boy: Do you like parties? Girl: Yes, why? Boy: Well then jump in my pants and have a ball!

   Are we supposed to poop 15 or 20 times a day? Just checking to see if I'm normal....

   Elmo is a gay black 52 year old child molester.... Childhood = RUINED.

   Sometimes when I am filling up my car with gas, I like to take the antenna off the car challenge the person at the next pump over to a f@#king sword fight.

   Sometimes I wonder what the world would be like if we were all of the same race!

   wondering ... Have you ever been at work, when a genital piercing has become a semi-medical emergency; only leading to having your girlfriend come and help you remove it with a dremel tool and bolt cutters? No? Me neither ...

   Kevin Durant, it is time to take your backpack and go home!

   How do you pronounce "cicada"? What?!? WHAT?!? I can't hear you!

   Looking forward to 2014 again..... she was 20 and I was 14. Good times!

   "He is risen! He is risen, indeed!" - That's what she said.

   You must be the Fat Pig to be so offened

   I think it's Funny how people are hating on Romo when their team's QB is sitting on the couch watching him still play.

   I was going to do the Alzheimer's ice bucket challenge. But I keep forgetting.

   Kiss me," she said, "kiss me like you've never kissed me before". So I stuck my tongue in her nostril.

   Donald Trump is what happens when John Boehner bangs a llama.

   "Joseph was engaged to Mary, but she then revealed she's pregnant. You won't BELIEVE who she says the baby daddy is......Today on MAURY".

   A woman who act like a man will get slapped like a man! Thats a standard rule..

   What if Captain Planet and Obama are gay lovers?

   Dear Amish person reading this: Busted!

   "He's bleeding out!" The physician yells, "Mr. Kool aid man we need to do a transfusion, what's your blood type?" He replies weakly "O-yeah"