Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Burger King and Dairy Queen got together for a little in-N-out burger and had Carl's Jr. He sing's about old McDonald's farm, his favorite toy is Jack in the box and his favorite cartoon is sonic. He grew up and married Wendy and Taco Bells were ringing.

   Girls get so weird when you ask them to make a wittle baby in their tum tum... still single

   Manure United 1 - 6 Man City (No prize for guessing who the b!tch was in that match)

   going to murder the most awesomest person alive, but that would be suicide

   They're now putting living celebrities on stamps… finally we can all get a chance to lick Madonna!

   I just watched an episode of the Big Bang Theory everyone is talking about. They should call it I Have No Idea What To Do With A Blonde.

   My wife is like a tree She falls down after being hit repeatedly with an Axe.

   Dear new generation, The Lion King will always be ours, SO BACK OFF B!TCHES. Sincerely, 90s kids.

   I bet crackheads totally misinterpreted the "can you smell what 'The Rock' is cooking, saying.

   If you think I wrote this status update in the nude, you're wrong. I'm wearing a sombrero and a candy necklace. (

   F"ing Greece is killing the Stock market.. I'm never eating a Gyro or Wearing a Speedo ever again !!!

   Donald "Twitter Fingers" Trump

   What do President Trump and Tony the Tiger have in common? They're both orange and make things GREEAAT!

   Coronavirus task force, "If someone dies with COVID-19 we are counting that as a COVID-19 death."

   Coronavirus be like: "Fine, you don't want to believe in me? I'll teach you a lesson by removing your current president. That'll learn ya!"

   I end all my sentences with "Just saying.." because ending them with "You Idiot .." would probably be considered offensive.

   Trump removed abandon from NSC so he can devote more time to his role as the White House liaison with the K K K.

   Hate group gets permit to protest. Anti hate group does not get permit to protest. But the hate group is the criminals for obeying the law.

   thinks if I would have known I was going to be this thirsty this morning I would have drank more last night!!

   Traveled to the future and found out I'm flat-ass broke. Note to future self: Don't sell your boat and Plasma screen. Sell your wife.