Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   its Wednesday...How about a mercy hump?

   was born in the state of confusion and is living in denial.

   thinks the universe is a waste of space..

   Wile E. Coyote, Super Genius

   hates allergy season!!! currently OD'ing on Allegra

   now that the last wish from Icelands deceased economy was: Spread the ash out over Europe.

   On the one hand, we'll never experience childbirth. On the other hand, we can open all our own jars.

   would like to thank everyone in this world that has ever screwed me over! You may be proud of yourself but, all in all, it will and, it has made me the strong woman that I am today! thank you

   Not sure which one of you sent them...but the men in the little white coats left empty handed...again....better luck next time....

   was driving past the woods today and saw a group of bird watchers, so I flipped them the bird.

   vampires in twilight is pale white ,, how come laurent is black ??

   Nothings worse than Single BicheZ talkin bout they Wife Material.. Thats like saying you Management material but Unemployed!

   It's been so long since I bought groceries, this morning I saw a cockroach move out. "Good luck," he sighed, clutching his tiny suitcases.

   You know how when a guy pees and at the end he shakes his thing to get the last drop out? Well, that's how much gas I got for $2.00.

   BELIEVE IN Yourself if you don't no one else will.!

   I once challenged Vanilla Ice to a Rap challenge and the loser had to be Vanilla Ice.

   Logged into Facebook. ‘Happiness is like a butterfly….' Logged out of Facebook.

   My cat just graduated from the University of Phoenix.

   Then God said, “Let there be Internet drama”; and there was Internet drama. And God saw that it was good.

   Back in my day we didn't have no hookah bar!!!! We roll blunts