Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   looks arent everything, but they sure do help

   You will never hear this combination of words spoken: "hand me that piano".

   things that last longer than a Rick Pitino sexual encounter: 16 second Abs, a Soulja Boy Mix tape, a knock-knock joke, a lap at the Indy 500, a stop light, Brett Favre's retirement, a game of Tippy Cup, an NBA shot clock, Usain Bolt running 200 meters...

   Just because you are chained to the fence...doesn't mean you can't bark at a few dogs

   It would be amazing if hyenas could watch a bunch of '80's films and start to employ the slow clap when being particularly derisive...

   To any and all people visiting Arkansas in the next few days, just ignore all the dead birds and fish! Really, it should be fine....From, Big Brother : )

   The numbers game. Posting a cartoon character as your profile pic. Truth is... All so 2010. New start this year, poke all your friends and delete the ones that don't poke back.

   i cant get addicted I use a bong it filters all the addictive stuff....dale pinapple express

   String theory is the basis of our universe?? So, God made us in a macramé class??

   Nothing makes people happier than when you are wrong and they are right.

   addicted to counseling, I need counseling

   magine yourself as you would like to be, doing what you want to do,and each day, take one step towards your dream. And though at times it may seem too difficult to continue, hold on to your dream.One morning you will awake to find that you are the person

   Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?

   coloring outside the lines

   Hows about you give me your number while I'm still interested.

   ...BBC News: 'Cap For Unemployed Families On Benefits' - Burberry by any chance?

   Someone asked me what the difference between a professional and a businessman is: a businessman thinks about himself, a professional the organization.

   I command you to read my status.......Thanks!

   I am Captain Organised..Unlike Batman Superman and Spiderman my underpants are on the inside..

   In terms of emotional comfort it is my belief that no amount of physical contact could match the healing powers of a well made c0cktail.