Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Search Messages:
wishes the hair on his face would grow in as dark and as thick as the hair on his butt!! 
After all the years of using condoms, it was only today I realized what the little bit on the end is really for... It's to put your foot on, to get the tight ba$tard off! Or maybe that's just me?
sad no one wished her a happy birthday today, which isn't too surprising since its not her birthday
A few of my favorite things: 1. Raindrops on roses 2. Whiskers on kittens 3. Bright copper kettles 4. Warm woolen mittens 5. Coffee and pizza..
Sure, soccer is the worst thing ever but at least when some smug idiot tries to tell you "it's football" you can punch him without remorse.
"Frosted Flakes is a part of this complete breakfast,,, which is also complete if you remove the Frosted Flakes."
Ladies, it's October, breast cancer awareness month, I'm giving free breast exams. . .
Hay girls! Not getting to swallow is like dropping your ice cream cone.
Iran sends monkey into space, the UN needs to check that, they might be building a zoo up there!
In 1984 I was 10 and burried a time capsule to be opened on new years day 2014....Well the day is almost here and I am so excited to see how big my puppy has gotten
The Chinese President accidentally called Steve Bannon "Mr. President" because all these white guys look the same.
You might be a trump supporter if you go to a family reunion looking for a wife.
the edited version of Home Alone 2 is much better!!!
One of Kim's buddies called Pence a dummy, so Trump cancelled the meeting. Not making that up. That literally happened. This is middle school-level drama.
Breaking: President Trump to meet and discuss foreign policy with the cash me outside girl
Melania's upset. Several news outlets called her a 'former escort'. because the word 'former' implies that she isn't one anymore.
Justin Trudeau should just run the whole of North America!
Obamacare-Call us when you are shovel ready.
I went to the bookstore to buy a 'Where's Waldo' book, but couldn't find one ANYWHERE. Well played, Waldo. Well played, indeed.
I'm wearing shorts today..just resized how much pee splashes when your going pee in the toilet.. 