Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Every time Rush Limbaugh talks the more I'm convinced that he's the love child of Stay Puff marshmallow man, Jabba the Hut, and a cancerous tumor

   Person is typing... Person is typing... Person is typing... Person is typing... Person is typing... Person is typing... Person says: hi

   One of these days I will burst into flames, like Ghost Rider, and steal the souls of those who toss cig butts out of moving vehicles.

   Remember it's Sunday. No clever, sarcastic, or intellectual humor. The mouth breathers won't "get" them.

   One rogue human being out of seven billion loses it and goes berserk and suddenly all humanity must be condemned?

   T̶r̶ eat your girl right, or someone else will

   Got a flat tire... Pulled over to change it. Stupid guy says, "Did your tire go flat?" I said " No, I was driving along and the other 3 just swelled up!"

   it's true, I too was born a poor, black child.

   Kim Kardashian. Kim Bassinger. Kim Chee. I'll take "Things that are edible" for $500 Alex

   Now that Black Friday is over, wonder if Mexican Saturday means things are free??

   I WASNT GOOD IN MATH BUT WHEN IT COMES TO SEX I'm ALL ABOUT ANGLES

   calculating pi but can't seem to make it past sugar cream

   Comes to earth when mars gets boring

   Just call her the Carpenter's Special: flat as a board and never been nailed.

   not suitable for all audiences...contains bad language from the start and scenes of a sexual nature

   OMG, I"m in real trouble, if anyone asks, I was on Facebook all night, I think they finally found out what I did for that Klondike bar!!!!

   The Frog... "Time's fun when you're having flies."

   , if love isn't a game then why are there so many players?

   While the women were attending the "Sex and the City 2" premiere... the men were enjoying "Sex outside the City Too"...

   Thoughts lead to words... Words lead to actions... Actions build your character... Your character determines your destiny.