Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   You put a little vodka in the Jello shots and its all ok, but let me put in a little cystal meth and all of a sudden I'm the bad guy.....

   I find it ironic that the colors red, white, and blue represent freedom until they are flashing behind you.

   GOP = Greed Over Patriotism

   666 is no longer the number of evil. It is now 45.

   Hey "hi how ah you" you,and your ignorant quotes about religion SUCK!

   OJ has been granted parole. He should put on a hoodie and go buy some Skittles in George Zimmerman's neighborhood.

   You believe some dude walked on water but being g ay is unnatural?

   Me- I kinda like this girl Girl- Really? Who ???? Me- Ummmmm She kinda looks like you Girl- aww is it me? ;) ♥ Me- No!! Your sister lol

   Ladies, please don't forget, safe sex is your responsibility

   What the hell is humourous whit, and why would anyone brag about it?

   I remember the day I used to be so proud of my son. Now look at him.

   If God didn't want me to have sex all the time, maybe he shouldn't have blessed me with this pretty huge d ick.

   I bet John Lennon would have loved online transactions. Imagine all the PayPal...

   i wish that I had jessie's girl...=(

   I just texted my ex "God Bless You" cause I seen her sneeze through my Binoculars

   We all have a lil devil and an lil angel on our shoulders... Only problem is my lil devil is a hypnotist...

   sometimes feels like going up to people who have just been seated at a restaraunt and say "Just to let you know, the last person that sat here threw up on the table"...

   Maybe this Mississippi flooding is part of the rapture thing? Has anyone thought about building an ark???

   I bet those people that mow their lawns just after it rains are the same people that wash their car just before it rains.

   I delete the recent history from my profile for the same reasons I don't go to church. It gives people the wrong impression and it makes Jesus roll his eyes.