Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   You put a little vodka in the Jello shots and its all ok, but let me put in a little cystal meth and all of a sudden I'm the bad guy.....

   GOP = Greed Over Patriotism

   666 is no longer the number of evil. It is now 45.

   Hey "hi how ah you" you,and your ignorant quotes about religion SUCK!

   OJ has been granted parole. He should put on a hoodie and go buy some Skittles in George Zimmerman's neighborhood.

   You believe some dude walked on water but being g ay is unnatural?

   Me- I kinda like this girl Girl- Really? Who ???? Me- Ummmmm She kinda looks like you Girl- aww is it me? ;) ♥ Me- No!! Your sister lol

   Ladies, please don't forget, safe sex is your responsibility

   What the hell is humourous whit, and why would anyone brag about it?

   I remember the day I used to be so proud of my son. Now look at him.

   If God didn't want me to have sex all the time, maybe he shouldn't have blessed me with this pretty huge d ick.

   I bet John Lennon would have loved online transactions. Imagine all the PayPal...

   i wish that I had jessie's girl...=(

   I just texted my ex "God Bless You" cause I seen her sneeze through my Binoculars

   anyone who enjoys pizza with pineapples probably beats up children and kisses with their eyes open

   I saw my ex earlier and realized how much I missed her. Had to go back round the roundabout and run her over on the second attempt.

   I'd rather have a full bottle in front of me than a full frontal lobotomy.

   Dog catcher called. He said my dog was chasing someone on a bike. Can't be my dog. He doesn't have a bike.

   Instead of getting periods, can girls just get a text once a month from mother nature saying "You're not pregnant, have a nice day!"

   Bring back cheap smokes and the stubby bottle, there's a Trudeau driving Canada again