Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I saw the commercial for Southwest that advertized "Bags Fly Free" and I thought it said "Fags Fly Free". I got sooo excited for a minute!

   A young boy comes home from school one day and says, "Mommy! What's a lesbian?" She replied, "Ask your father when she gets home!"

   Why do members of the military wear their uniforms on game shows? Are they going to battle after the taping?

   If your wife totally let's herself go and looks nothing like when you dated her, you should be allowed to divorce her.

   Why is weed illegal and alcohol isn't? Weed is completely harmless man! Smh

   regretting all their wasted time on my space

   Dear god, If you give us back Kurt Cobain, we'll give you Lady GaGa!

   should be arrested for being awesome.

   pondering why in the hell people type so much in their status box

   planning his life #1 get married #2 get a house #3 have a baby #4 Sell baby for dream car #5 have another baby

   The only difference between Obama and Osama is BS

   Who is the genius who decided to call them Dentures and not Substitooths?

   It's true, our country sucks at soccer....but at least our kids aren't starving!

   not all women are annoying,,, some are dead

   If the TV news only showed him when he told the truth, he would never be on TV.

   Trump just blame Obama for wire-tapping his phone. My phone just got tapped too, I blame Trump.

   I'll be back soon. I have to go to the bathroom and take a massive Trump.

   Whenever I call a Jewish friend and they don't answer... I worry Mel Gibson has killed and eaten them.

   hates it when overweight people who don't take care of their body give weight advice! Look- when you're so fat that when you order a water-bed a freaking blanket is layed over the Pacific Ocean, do not come preaching nutrition to me.

   According to Sarah PalinUSA a "gotcha question" is any question she cannot answer aka all questions.