Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Has anyone invented exploding vuvuzelas yet? (Please don't steal my idea.)

   You may be out of my sight... but never out of my mind... I Miss You!

   not suffering from Schizophrenia, he/she's quite enjoying it. and so am I.

   DRINK TO FORGET BUT NEVER FORGET TO DRINK.

   being defiant and popping his microwave popcorn with the "This Side Up" facing down. BITE ME REDEHBACHER!

   it was a JOKE that I had my status as female on facebook....i have changed that...now can people please stop calling me "chicky babe"

   Just think, next year at this time I will be able to say Happy 2012, but with an evil grin on my face,

   I've been f***ed up by Karma so many times I could write the KaRma Sutra by now…

   It recently became apparent to me that the letters 'T' and 'G' are far too close together on a keyboard. This is why I'll never be ending an e-mail with the phrase "Regards" ever again.

   picking all the W's out of their M & M's, gosh, there's just so many! :/

   Happy National Weed Day!!!

   I drink everyday that ends in “y”, I sleep everyday that ends in “y' I wish I could say the same about sex!

   Kevin says: " Ive been poking this girl on facebook for a while.... But I dont get it.. All I do is poke her, and thats it.. no conversation, no thank you... no nothing.. WTF? :]"

   Just had a customer call me for a quote, and he SANG me all his information..... so I sang back.. " ? If you're crazy and you know it take your pills! ?.... Didnt get the sale..

   I'm good at reading between the lines when I'm doing cocaine off of a Kindle™.

   its POOP again....Don't put it out with your boots TED!!!

   The 186th rule of Fight Club is there is no such thing as a male BFF...!

   The Skirt, skirt in the front, shorts in the back; it's like a mullet for your ass!!

   With all the disease in this world, I'm just happy I didn't catch "The Stupid", or any other airborne illness like Freckles

   DON'T LOOK AT ME IN THAT TONE OF VOICE