Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I hope somebody shoots Tupac's hologram!

   I went out clubbing lat night. I got 12 baby seals; a new personal record.

   Ladies are not officially old, until going braless pulls the wrinkles out of their faces.

   I'm the cutest thing since sliced kittens.

   Romney's now unemployed, like most Dems. Well, except that he's rich...

     When did I realize I was God? Well I was praying, and I suddenly realized I was talking to myself.

   Fat chicks never forget a drunken hook-up, because an elephant never forgets.

   President Obama felt the Virginia Earthquake at the White House where he said it was centered on the George Bush Fault Line.

   Arguing with strangers on the internet is like the Special Olympics. You might win, but you're still retarded! :)

   my blind son just said this to me "hear ya later"

   You know it's been a good night when you throw your panties at the wall and they stick there.

   the next contestant on The Price Is Right!

   ✓ Adolf Hitler, ✓ Saddam Hussein, ✓ Osama Bin Laden, ☐ JUSTIN BIEBER

   Mmmm...I see why Obama kept PBS

   chillin like a villain.

   insists that EL Cucuy lives in her closet!

   In an ideal world I would have all ten fingers on my left hand so my right hand could just me a fist for punching.

   While stepping over the broken bodies, my heart sank as I suddenly realized my hiding spot had been located...

   considering using braille for his banking pin number, my only worry, a blind person will figure it out...

   Who will light the torch in Vancouver tonight? Wayne Gretzky, Paul Shaffer, Geddy Lee?