Funny Status Messages
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on an Hedgehog's back, Wearing underpants made of cast iron. 
says the funny thing to do is get in a elevator where everyone is going a couple floors up and let a silent one go and watch peoples faces
my best friend said the best sex he ever had was with a cougar......i don't even like big cats
we always knew who the fat parents were picking up in elementary school
Starting to think my Imaginary friend has serious issues....Hey!! You better get down from there, If you fall and break your legs don't come running back to me Pal.....What!!!! Don't look at me with that tone of voice...
will be weed smoking and turkey pulling this weekend... oops! reverse those verbs!
versatile..........put him in any position and he will always perform
Playboy made a mistake passing on Kate Gosselin as a centerfold. I believe America desires to see a uterus that could be used as a three car garage.
lets turn the NFL into touch football
I'm sitting on my couch and updating this status from my cell phone just so my friends think I leave my house occasionally
my favourite ride is the "slip inside"... oops, I meant the slip n' slide...
If my mind can conceive it, and my heart can believe it, I know I can achieve it.
OMG I just wasted my time watching the twilight series :love triangle between a depressed girl a 110 yr old vampire and a werewolf !
behind every great man is a woman, and behind that woman is another woman....... And another woman....... And another woman.... And another
pole dancin on a numba 2 pencil... IT'S FRIDAY!!!
What do whales eat? Fish and ships.
If I liked a pic of you and your man, it doesn't mean I'm mature... It means holla at me if he acting up.
I turned off the tv; what was the point of watching one boring moth-er-fucker after another one.
Saw my ex for the first time since we broke up at a diner last night. She was with another guy. So I ordered a sandwich, took a few bites, went up to their table, handed her date my leftovers and walked away.
Well if Donald said it, it must be true. So there you are, no one has done more for equality than he has. MLK could take lessons from Trump. 