Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Don't push me! I will be forced to engage in a combat sequence, that should only end with your demise.

   doin a walk threw judge people at the bar when I got hit by a dart, F you KARMA.

   Everything in this world seems to be made for right handed people...it's so frustrating for someone like me who's underhanded.

   I'd like to kick Murphy's @ss for making any laws.

   Of all great losses in life, Time is the most irrecoverable. It can never be redeemed.

   Love me or Hate me...either way you still have a feeling for me!!

   This finger is loaded and I know how to use it.

   going to get married. So what if it is a cardboard cut-out.....don't judge me!

   The trumpeter blew it while auditioning for the symphony.

   The funny thing is, you can't tell if I'm naked...

   Justin Bieber to write memoir at 16. I hear his voice changes halfway through the audiobook when he goes thru puberty.

   The National Eczema Association are currently fundraising. They've just launched a scratch card.

   watering a fake plant

   "If you are Jordan, Wade, Garnett or Peyton, it worked. It don't work on Leroy." --- Charles Barkley

   ..is in negotations with Vancouver. They're desperate for snow and she's sick of it.

   ready for upgrades, modifications and custom made specifications. (DP)

   My Imaginary friend asked he could bring his Imaginary friend round, but I thought 3 was a crowd so I said no!

   The definiton of success: The achievement of something desired, planned, or attempted: So to be successful, set low standards, to be a failure and frustrated, set very high standards.

   Every day I change my birthday on Facebook to THAT day just for all the attention.

   We were so enamored that we forgot to check his qualifications