Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   They said the baby looked like me. Until they turned him the right way up.

   thinks that when NASA conducts their search for "itelligent life" in the universe, they should first start with Earth.

   wonders how you are going to feel when Facebook starts charging a usage fee. It's just a matter of time. Greedy corporate clones...

   80's music is so 2002

   No I havent lost my mind......i sold it on ebay!!!

   Hmm, I knew I should've taken that left turn at Albuquerque....

   i like it when theres lots of snow on the road it gives the cops an excuse for me to be swerving all over the road when I'm drunk

   Before you send me any sick jokes about that murderer in the North East don't bother. It's not even rauolmoatly funny.

   Why's Lil Wayne still in Jail? Someone should work on breaking him out. Call T-Pain, I hear he has a boat.

   hotter then a priest on a playground..Bazinga

   everyday I worry my friends are going to find out that I am not so witty and funny and the status wall will come crumbling down

   I'm a lesbian and i'm ok. A butch all night and a femme all day.

   Blow your mind -- smoke gunpowder.

   Side note for the local weatherman if its 95° and feels like 105°.... then guess what dumbass?.. Its 105°

   drinking music...most easily available drug...:)

   Just in, Angelina Jolie is gonna adopt another child she just came back from SARAJEVO BOSNIA she got a new son MUJO JOLIE PITT.

   was thinking, if lesbians use vibrators......isn't that cheating?

   People who say marriage is only between a man and a woman underestimate my love for pizza.

   This climate change stuff is so hilarious...

   "If this is Good Friday, I'd hate to se a Bad one!" ...... Jesus