Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   No I havent lost my mind......i sold it on ebay!!!

   drinking music...most easily available drug...:)

   Just in, Angelina Jolie is gonna adopt another child she just came back from SARAJEVO BOSNIA she got a new son MUJO JOLIE PITT.

   was thinking, if lesbians use vibrators......isn't that cheating?

   Please put this as your status if you know, or are related to, someone killed on Alderaan when it was obliterated by the Death Star. The Rebel Alliance wants to bring peace to the galaxy, but the Galactic Empire continues to kill innocent civilians. 93% w

   Some people are like Slinkies - not really good for anything, but you still can't help but smile when you see one tumble down the stairs.

   I have a small request to make to you. Can I borrow your face for a few days? My ass is going on a holiday.

   Why are Softballs hard?

   going to quit drinking , when I woke up this morning my liver was sitting on the night stand smoking a cigarette and creaming at me "You B*stard

   Hmm, I knew I should've taken that left turn at Albuquerque....

   i like it when theres lots of snow on the road it gives the cops an excuse for me to be swerving all over the road when I'm drunk

   Before you send me any sick jokes about that murderer in the North East don't bother. It's not even rauolmoatly funny.

   Why's Lil Wayne still in Jail? Someone should work on breaking him out. Call T-Pain, I hear he has a boat.

   hotter then a priest on a playground..Bazinga

   everyday I worry my friends are going to find out that I am not so witty and funny and the status wall will come crumbling down

   I'm a lesbian and i'm ok. A butch all night and a femme all day.

   Blow your mind -- smoke gunpowder.

   Side note for the local weatherman if its 95° and feels like 105°.... then guess what dumbass?.. Its 105°

   People who say marriage is only between a man and a woman underestimate my love for pizza.

   This climate change stuff is so hilarious...