Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   "Everybody loves metal music, or if they don't, they should, or will eventually." - Metal Musicians

   If you can't sleep, count sheep. Don't count endangered animals. You will run out.

   FML! Met this hot guy at a bar last night.... All I can say is they weren't magically delicious.

   Strange new trend at the office. People putting names on food in company fridge. Today I had a prawn sandwich named Kevin.

   Hey people going to church, the gym or eating plants; Please keep it to yourself and stop telling us about it all the time.

   well done liverpool fc for knocking manchester united out the FA CUP

   ↖↖↖↖↖↖↖↑↗↗↗ ↗↗ ↗ ←←Fake people everywhere→→ ↙↙↙↙↙↙↙↓↘↘↘ ↘ ↘ ↘

   Halloween: The one day of the year where paedophiles get home delivery.

   Facebook is dumb They have the Poke thing wrong. Guys should have the Poke button, and girls should have a Spread button.

   If you want to get into a race debate, OK, I'll start one.... Why is Tony Stewart allowed back in NASCAR?

   I was meditating this morning....ok, actually I was sitting on the toilet scrolling through Facebook on my phone...but, it still counts.

   BREAKING: Jimmie Johnson just won the 2013 Daytona 500....

   If I flip this coin, what are my chances of getting head

   There are 3 kinds of people: Those who can count & those who can't.

   can now be brought to you in HD.

   counting the number of friends who remind him that it's Friday.

   Don't mess with Packer fans, it not nice to pick on retards!

   Someone just told me that thw word OK looks like a sideways person. I've said OK my whole life and never noticed him. What's up little guy?

   Last I checked, the Confederate flag turned white.

   I would get your number but I already got it off the bathroom wall.