Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I'm just like Rebecca Black...it takes me until Friday to decide whether I'm sitting in the front or back seat.

   Had a good scare tonight, thought I was experiencing tunnel vision,. Until I looked in the rear view mirror and I realized was wearing my hoodie... "whew"

   Why don't people throw all of their paperwork up in the air when they're frustrated, like they used to do in 80s movies? It feels great.

   I'd actually be more excited to see an image of a grilled-cheese sandwich appear on a grilled-cheese sandwich.

   When I am home alone and I hear a noise, I freeze and listen.

   AOL puts Sandusky news on their sports page. Molestation is physical but it's not technically a sport is it?

   to all my haterz...I hope you step on a lego.

   Get your facts first, then you can distort them as you please.

   certain needs that can't be satisfied by working on toys!

   I never thought I would live to see the day that someone made a 'Piñata Endangerment Awareness' group...

   one has facebook complex when he/she needs to have as many "friends" as possible regardless of who they are or if they even really know the person.

   "Good, clean fun" is a euphemism for "having to get all dressed up and do something you don't want to, so your grandmother doesn't get sad"

   living each day as if it were his last: That Korean massage parlor is on to him though. They stopped giving him dying-day happy-ending discounts.

   PUA-FEN, people use acroynms for everything nowadays

   Master Hathaway please save me from the evil toad mistress "I could darling but your butt is far too large to fit into the space"

   it just me or would anyone else really like a hurricane named after them? Earl? Igor? Yuck!

   So I wonder will Moss wear #84 again? Seems that wouldn't be good for jersey sales as everyone on the bandwagon 10 years ago prob still has their Moss jersey in the back of their closet or trailer or whatever...

   wondering why, if midnight snacks are banned, why is there a light in the fridge?

   I'm a mess. Not in the "beautiful mess" way. In the "you dropped an omelette all over the floor then stepped in it" way.

   wonder what the Elves think of Rudolph after listening to "Roxanne" by The Police?