Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Some play hard to get, I play hard to want.

   Most Sundays on Fb.. Hop on see all the Praise the Lord post.. Like a few baby pics.. Have a quick convo wit some friends.Then off to bed..

   Oh you're too good for me?! Last I checked you were knocked up when you were 13...

   Don't put habanero chili in your KY. Your mate will get quite angry.

   Feelings like anger and sadness should probably be embraced. Even though we may not like them, they're all natural emotions and a part of life. After all, the world would most likely be pretty bland if all we felt was satisfaction.

   Have you ever realized how many types of asses there are? SmartASS. DumbASS. CrazyASS. StupidASS. Who knew asses had personalities?

   Just saw on the TV news that the ADHD prescription drug "Adderall" is gotten hard for Pharmacies to keep in stock due to demand and... What was I saying? I lost track, Umm, something about something.

   I like to get paid daily and laid daily. Does anyone know how I can combine the two?

   I'm seeing this really hot chick. Yet I have no friends to tell it to. I mean, it was okay to tell my girlfriend, right? It was okay?

   thinks I feel great when I go to bed drunk. I wake up feeling crap. Obviously sleep is bad for you!!!!

   Bad relationships are like speed bumps. They force you to slow down and think about where you're headed.

   Life can never give security, it can only promise opportunity. So seize that sh*t like a drug raid at Charlie Sheen's house.

   íts funnч hσw whєn ím σn thє phσnє í wαndєr tσ plαcєs ín mч hσusє í nєvєr gσ.

   Boys - If you can't convince them, Confuse them. Girls : If you can't convince them, Unfriend them from Facebook and B!TCH about them. . .

   I dont know about you, but I think I'm perfectly ok that nobody ever pays me in gum.

   Dog Commercials during the superbowl are the funniest. I'm going to sign my dog for acting classes. At least they be more greatful than those hamsters I sent, who drove of in my KIA.

   lol :57 sec left- this is going to be the longest 2 hours ever

   I have over 200 cds.. This iPod better be ready for this nonsense I call music!

   Why use ADT when you can use an AK-47?

   wtf? the side effects of my script includes all my symptoms, how am I gonna know if its working?