Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   The best thing about dating a homeless woman is that you can drop her off anywhere.

   I wonder how long buffoons like Spicer and Kellyanne would last on the Apprentice?

   I miss the days when the worst thing about Trump was just his hair.

   I went to a Chinese restaurant and saw the sexiest woman I have ever saw, so I was blunt and said I wanna 69...she brought me Beef and Broccoli.

   If a white person eats a cracker, is that cannibalism?

   I read at the end of the 20th century all Blacks were offered exodus from US slavery the only requirement was a boat ride back to Africa. But we know how blacks feel about water, ergo: they stayed!

   Dear Lord, in the past year you have taken my favorite actor, my favorite actress, my favorite singer and favorite salesman. I just wanted to let you know my favorite president is Barack Obama.

   the idiot who wrote about the Porshes and Mexicans, the last time I check people in the US cant afford to buy a car

   Going into McDonald's and asking for a salad is like going into a brothel and asking for a hug

   it's ridiculous how ghetto people or illiterate people for that matter confuse Barack Obama with Baraka from Mortal Kombat II...

   Do you the only thing worse than a Patriot fan?.........Two Patriot fans!

   Remember when KFC offered a "Hillary" meal, consisting of 2 small breasts and 2 large thighs. Now, KFC is offering the "Obama Bucket". It consists of nothing but chicken crap.

   I'm at the World Series game and they showed Trump on the big screen. All I could hear was boos and "lock him up" chants, lol

   I thought bullying was no longer socially acceptable....so why are the Republicans doing it?

   Twitter says they will stay based in San Francisco if they get a significant tax break. Apparently they are making so much money that their tax bill comes in at more than 140 characters.

   When the Zombies rise, you will be safe. They like to eat brains, and clearly you do not have any!!!!

   If you wasn't too into yourself, I'll probably be into you.

   Starting to doubt if Lage Gaga is a drag queen

   Hi. I'm unable to answer my mobile phone at the moment, but if you leave a message, the News of the World will email it to me later

   Some women are wound up tighter than the girdle of a Baptist minister's wife at an all-you-can-eat pancake breakfast.