Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Did you know it is physically impossible to stick your tongue out and look up at the ceiling at the same time? Did you also know you're now an idiot for trying LOL

   If the whole world smoked a joint at the same time, there would be world peace for at least two hours.

   have you ever wondered that "Baba blacksheep" and "ABCD" has the same tune?? ;)

   I made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if I failed the breathalyzer.

   Groundhog Day is a good time for us to pause & reflect on how much I want Andie MacDowell to sit on my face & wiggle about.

   admits that the Nazis were terrible, but look on the bright side: At least we got some awesome Indiana Jones movies out of it.

   there is no quicker way to separate yourself from god as to judge your fellow man

   Like if you remember closing the fridge door really slow, just to see when the lights went off.

   OK...if you're a fish, do you have to wait 30 mins to swim after you eat??

   Hey ladies, you know who finds your period attractive? Sharks.

   ❒ Single ❒ Taken ✔ Too sexy that if you go out with just one person, everybody will get jealous & depressed therefore killing themselves.

   Googled "What women want" and a photo of me was shown.

   My wife wants to go on Holiday and be treated like a Queen. So I brought her a ticket to India, as they worship cows over there.

   The difference between Mafia and the Pope is that his victims will DEFEND him! How perfect is that? RELIGION : It keeps simpletons happy!

   The stain in the front of women's panties is called "clitty litter."

   says the art of typing an FB status is directly proportional to the work done on google search

   says Once a cobra bit Bear Grylls' leg. After five days of excruciating pain, the cobra died.

   just won the Australian lottery! I'll be a millionaire just as soon as I pay this $795 processing fee... Suckahs!!!

   When I was your age, I didn't even know what drugs were!" The robot slaps the dad. Mom: "Haha! He's definitely YOUR son!" The robot slaps the mom.

   Laters FB... I'm tired of sharing my opinions And liking everybody's sh!t......and Pokin' folks I hardly even know... Peace Out! I'll do all that sh!t to y'all tomorrow.