Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   A male gynecologist is like an auto mechanic who never owned a car!

   wondering...have you ever felt like a fire hydrant and all your friends were dogs?

   should have been a Solid Gold dancer

   First, we had the iPod, then the iTouch and now the iPad. Is that for when they have their iPeriod? If so, I would hold off for the next larger version, the max-iPad.

   worried that Elmo knows where I live....

   "I'll give you a TKO from Tokyo!" ~ Piston Honda

   Everyone thinks their opinion matters. Don't argue with a nobody. A farmer doesn't bother telling a pig his breath smells like sh!t.

   going to the strippers to start work...i grease the poles and disinfect the stage... :D

   I would like to wish a happy Labor Day to all the mother out there.

   I think I see a light at the end of the tunnel...Just hopeing it's my friends with a 2 million watt spotlight and not a train....

   And on the final day God said ..." Let there be football!"

   Canceled my trip to Arizona because my dog doesn't have papers...

   ^v--^v--^v----------------^v--^v woah for a second there I was bored to death

   Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia is the fear of long words.

   has a friend that was recently diagnosed with multiple personalities... yesterday he called me... my caller I.D. exploded.

   drank some Chinese beer, ...now the room smells like fireworks.

   thinks facebook should let you know when someone unfriends you so you can send them evil thoughts. their way.

   Steven Tyler has the face only a mother could love.

   has performed extensive experiments in the shed and can scientifically conclude that a cat has only one life.

   ..wonders what the best thing was BEFORE slice bread came along.