SEDDY90 Funny Status Messages

   As a girl walks into a typical club, she mentally prepares to be hit on by everything with a penis.

   Every woman should have four pets in her life. A mink in her closet, a jaguar in her garage, a tiger in her bed, and a jackass who pays for everything.

   Can't believe I forgot my wife was on her period. Boy is my face red.

   I'm so unreliable that I'm thinking about dressing up as a calculator for Halloween just so my friends can finally count on me.

   Yes Mom, I can watch TV and be on the computer.

   I Just Drove Like Six Miles With My Left Turn Signal On...Yep I'm Officially Old!  ☹

   You ever hear stories of people you have never seen before and you create an image of what they look like and when you finally see them you kind of get disappointed or weirded out that they don't look like what you imagined?

   Chickens: The only animals you eat before they are born and after they are dead.

   S.I.N.G.L.E = Stay Intoxicated Nightly Get Laid Everyday

   "Babe is it in?" "Yeah" "Is it hurting?" "Uh-huuh" "Let me put it in slowly" "It still hurts!" "Ok let's try another shoe size"

   What's the difference between a water bottle and puberty? A water bottle has already hit Justin Bieber.

   what do a pizza delivery guy and male gynecologist have in common? They can SMELL it, but they can't EAT it lol

   She would rather have a best friend for a lifetime, then a boyfriend for a week...

   S(he) (is) Br(ok)en.

   Like if you always wonder why people in cartoons never change their clothes.

   I'm gonna survive tomorrow cause I got a pack of sensu beans and all 7 dragonballs. I'm good.

   "The tragedy of life is not that it ends so soon, but that we wait so long to begin it.

   "Wow, this place is so clean! I could literally eat off the floor!" - my dog at every place she's ever been.

   just made..... "I survived May 21st" \(^^,)/ T-Shirts... Who wants one?

   Super Mario Been Encouraging Men To take Stuff to get Bigger Since the 80's