Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 4764 of 6373
he drew a flower on the ky intense box.....sigh, ...i love him
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02-14-2012 10:18
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i'd be willin to bet not one of those swamp people EVER thought they'd have their own show
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02-15-2012 15:13
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I write comedy for smart people... that´s why I dont get some of my jokes.
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02-15-2012 22:25
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midgets are the T-Rex's of our species..
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02-19-2012 07:50
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Wanna see if your girl has a real sense of humor? Tell her the ginormous zit under her nose makes her look like Marylyn Monroe!
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02-25-2012 15:21 by Rush
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My favorite way to piss a girl off is to keep accidentally calling her Nicole.
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02-26-2012 18:09
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all about the status ..bite me...hows that? are ya gonna hand pick this one??
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02-28-2012 12:27
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Every person has a story to tell and that's why I stay home.
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02-29-2012 10:52 by SEAN
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Herpes is just a contagious pimple. It's not like other stds, like kids or something.
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03-01-2012 23:14
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Why even hit on chicks this weekend? I've already been fuc$ed once this week by gas prices.
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03-03-2012 22:24 by BEGO
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@flinnie....apparently you think you are the only one that follows stephen colbert on twitter...your not...be original
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10-19-2011 17:03
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If a zombie apocalypse ever happens, we all better hope people who can do parkour don't get infected.
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10-21-2011 16:10 by g0re
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The Feeling You Get When You're Paying For Something And Can't Find Your Money...
If life is a highway, that totally explains my inability to merge on to it.
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10-23-2011 13:03
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I would love to meet "Wasn't me" and "I didn't do it". They need to be grounded or spanked for causing a lot of trouble here.
I still don't like it when the cat brings back dead mice and voles, but at least at this time of year they act like cute little hand warmers as I clear them away!
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10-25-2011 12:33
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Right now what Lindsay Lohan needs more than anything is our caring and understanding. And just a little bit of cocaine if possible.
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10-25-2011 15:41 by ~heZz~
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Just bought the entire Yoko Ono collection on Itunes. I got the Itunes receipt and they credited me 1,000,000,000 free songs.
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11-01-2011 22:38
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why does my phone always break right about the time I teach my t9 dictionary all the important cuss words? Duck you Verizon. And econ you to hell.
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11-02-2011 01:33 by 24
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If you can stay up all night and hoot with the owls then you can get your a$$ up and soar with tthe eagles in the morning
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11-03-2011 12:10
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