Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   do you ever get that feeling someones watching you?.... good it's about time you realized it, ive been starring at you through this window for 3 hrs, and this treebranch is killin me!

   Some people's noses and feet are built backwards. Their feet smell and their noses run.

   Do you ever wish you can transport people that annoy you on an island where they are forced to fight to the end & it's all filmed live for your enjoyment? New reality show pitch...what do you think?

   always wondered why people with no teeth often buy the most expensive toothpaste.

   all that, a bag of chips, *and* salsa. *AND* queso.

   ..is already missing her time in Palermo. They had sunshine and sexy women. What does the U.K. haue? A week of summer and Susan Boyle.

   at the end nobody loses, but there's me laughing at you.

   Thinks they should have Extreme Bejeweled Blitz Tournaments on the OCHO

   You should do this, you should do that...how bout you jus be happy I even listen to your suggestions! 

   Marriage is when a man and woman become as one; the trouble starts when they try to decide which one.

   Did you hear the one about the woman who was sexually attracted to electronic devices? She blew a fuse.

   Sorry homework - - TV wins again! It is just too temping :)

   it possible to be still tasting Jager from last night? Somebody call an Excorsist. Blah!

   MYTH NUMBER 6.... Liquor Before Beer, Never Fear.

   Since being subtle is wasted on the naive...... I WANT A BB GUN FOR CHRISTMAS!!!!

   According to recent posts... Betty Rubble just got a booty call from Optimus Prime. Barney, you stand no chance. Just walk way.

   A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.

   In an effort to act my own age, I starting dating woman at 7 years younger than me as opposed to ones my own age.

   To err is human,to blame it on someone else is more human..

   planning a night she can't remember!