Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon Let me raise a glass in your honor so I can smash it against your head.
←Rate | 11-09-2012 02:03 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I've done a lot of stuff to see beautiful women naked....but Twitter has got to be the most labor intensive
←Rate | 11-16-2012 07:31 Comments (0)  


   messageicon First it was the infamous bus driver uppercut. Again another bus driver, gets into an altercation with another young girl, this time over loud music. Good idea for a game consult?
←Rate | 11-19-2012 12:43 Comments (0)  


   messageicon to you it's a 6 pack... to me.... it's a support group
←Rate | 02-22-2013 08:43 by YODA Comments (0)  


   messageicon Don't steal things you don't need or want, like hearts.
←Rate | 03-11-2013 13:40 by Kisstopher Comments (0)  


   messageicon According to planned parenthood we have a new Pope! Welcome Pope Smear. I personally would have voted for Pope Awheelie..
←Rate | 03-13-2013 14:19 by JG Comments (0)  


   messageicon Went trolling on a dating website. Caught 7 trolls...
←Rate | 04-05-2013 12:58 Comments (0)  


   messageicon This whole time I thought they were using reverse psychology on me, so I say yes to drugs. (
←Rate | 10-06-2011 22:50 Comments (0)  


   messageicon under demonic possession until tomorrow when I tell her it's just not working out. .  
←Rate | 10-07-2011 02:08 Comments (0)  


   messageicon anyone out there paying attention.... good.... carry on ... if ya happened to wake up at the end of this status go back to sleep .... ... it has little or no ethereal value anyway....
←Rate | 10-12-2011 22:23 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Apparently this end of the world rapture thing is today, unfortunately I regret to inform you the 1124 fast track train to 'HELL' is delayed due to an earlier signal fault and over running engineering works, Oh well
←Rate | 05-21-2011 06:31 by bam Comments (0)  


   messageicon updated itunes, I don't think I need any tutorials on listening to music.
←Rate | 04-21-2011 14:17 by Joshin Comments (0)  


   messageicon doesn't care that she's bad at parking. The other cars are bad at swerving!
←Rate | 05-02-2011 03:24 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Be honest with yourself, deep down inside, is there anyone of us that doesn't desperately want to be "dead last"?
←Rate | 05-03-2011 15:54 by Curmudgeon Comments (0)  


   messageicon knows if I had a dollar for every time I heard about an evangelist slapping his daughter, I would have a Creflo Dollar.
←Rate | 06-09-2012 12:14 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I don't mind when people make kitchen jokes about women, but when they make jokes about women driving... Well that's when I run you over.
←Rate | 06-17-2012 12:17 by Linda Comments (0)  


   messageicon The desire to roll around in mud while getting tasered and scraped by barbed wire early in the morning eludes me. It sounds like rough sex without the safe word. #NoThanks
←Rate | 06-17-2012 19:30 by Joseph Robert Comments (0)  


   messageicon I participate in optional celibacy. Roughly translated: If I'm not interested in having sex with you, I claim to be celibate.
←Rate | 07-01-2012 14:47 Comments (0)  


   messageicon When I get old, I want to be sent off on an iceberg to die. Mostly because good luck finding an iceberg in 50 years.
←Rate | 07-02-2012 00:04 Comments (0)  


   messageicon just got dumped by a pity-sex partner.....she looked like joe dirt....I think I just hit rock bottom.
←Rate | 07-09-2012 09:27 Comments (0)  




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