Funny Status Messages
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say what you will about Usain Bolt, but I still say he'd make an outstanding purse snatcher 
Just brushing my teeth & putting on deodorant when out of nowhere I hear, "You're going to have to pay for that!" This Wal-Mart sucks.
It's not "honey boo boo" it's "honey moo moo" it's fat got some mad cow disease so let's take it out back and kill it!
It's national pancake day! Small breasted women are FINALLY happy!
'Sri Lanka Vs West Indies' cricket match tomorrow. Kindly adjust contrast and brightness on your Television sets before watching
Given that he's a wrestler, do you think Hulk Hogan was "REALLY" having sex on that tape?
Love sucks. True love swallows.
"What I want is to do is combine the laziness of cooking at home with the high price of eating out!" - The inventor of the Wedge Salad
God couldn’t be everywhere so he created mothers. Satan couldn’t be everywhere so he created loud chewers.
@piersmorgan I'll give away all my weapons, if you axe Rachel Jeantel to read a letter that's written in cursive.... PLEASE
Did you know men have PMS, too? Yeah, Piss and Moan Syndrome.
Sometimes it takes two broken hearts to make two happy hearts.
I stood outside the women's restroom at a restaurant for 40 minutes today reminding ladies to wipe front to back...... Because it takes a village.
does anyone else find it ironic that when the royal baby was born the doctor said "it's crowning"
Love is like a Hot Pocket: If you rush into it, you’re bound to get burned.
Remember, it's not gay if its for a promotion!
It seems like everyone is in a relationship or in love and I'm just here like, “I like that tree. That's a nice tree.”
Called the service provider turns out everything is okay, and you did get my texts, so I'm outside your window watching you read this...
the Dems prove once again that it takes a lot longer than 18 months to buy votes. You've got the power, use it wisely...
I'm not positive...but I think that the "Rinse and Repeat" slogan is just a ploy from the big companies to get me to buy more than 365 bottles of shampoo next year............... I really don't think I'm that gullible...... 