Funny Status Messages

   Sexual abuse by clergy, it's not just for Catholics anymore.

   I knew I was an unwanted baby when I saw that my bath toys were a toaster and a radio.

   putting his left foot in and taking his left foot out - but he is NOT doing the hokie pokie

   why aren't there any puerto ricans on the show Star Trek? answer..cause they don't plan to work in the future either!!!

   Whoa! I just took a big, stinky Muhammad. Luckily, I've got a nice, porous Koran to wipe my arse with

   If I was a woman with a perfectly good v@gina and my man wanted @nal, I'd probably question his sexuality.

   Lindsey Lohan?Yeah i'd definitely hit that...In the head...with a baseball bat.

   compulsively obsessed with OCD

   Desperate for sex I headed to the local club and immediately started chatting to the 1st girl I saw and got right to the point. "Hey beautiful, how do you like your eggs in the morning?" "Unfertilized." she replied.

   and the moral of the story is........Rapist don't win Super Bowls!!!

   saw an Indian asleep on the train, noticed the little red dot on his forehead, and thought, "Is he on standby?"

   yo mamma so greasy she used bacon as a band-aid

   "Mom I'm Pregnant" White Mom: "WE HAVE TO GET YOU ON 16 & PREGNANT!" Black Mom: " I Done Told Yo Fast Ass Sleepin Around , We Going To Maury"

   Whoever made up the saying "It's the thought that counts" never got a pair ofcrocs for Christmas.

   My neighbor is in training to become a porn star. I asked her how her first day went. She said it was a lot to take in.

   I'm not sure where Crimea is, but I assume it's somewhere near Detroit.

   I imagine love is like hearing your favorite song for the first time. Then Listening to it over and over again till you hate that song."

   I sprayed a spider with axe body spray to kill it but now its name is chad and he is f$cking all the girl spiders in my house.

   When a girl says "lol have fun." do NOT have fun. Abort mission. Repeat Abort Mission.

   John Kerry criticised massacres committed by Israel privately; but, publicly he was a fraidy-cat because without Israel's support there would be no win in election you know!