santa AND presents AND christmas AND xmas AND holidays AND elfs Funny Status Messages

   2016 New Year's resolution: Tell your wife/girlfriend (or both) that every time they give you a BJ, you are going to put a dollar in an envelope. At the end of the year, you will use that money to buy her 2016 Christmas gift. More money = Nicer gift.

   : Dear Santa, For being so good this year, can I get a look at that naughty girls list?

   I'm out of Christmas wrapping paper? So I've simply converted birthday wrapping paper by adding "Jesus" after "Happy Birthday" in biro.

   The Christmas spirit is gone and I blame the Ghostbusters!

   Pffft. The liquor store clerk just wished me a Merry Christmas as if he wasn't going to see me 14 more times before then...

   It would probably make more Sense if they did our taxes 2 mths before christmas that way we can actually afford christmas.

   My lack of Christmas shopping is pretty much dependent on the Mayans being right

   Dear Santa, I was framed!

   I am well-armed for the war on Christmas: Ground-to-air mistletoe, check. Pecan clusterbombs, check. Canister of peppermint spray, check.

   I hope my liquor store is having an after Christmas sale!!

   So, how is everybody enjoying the air guitars I sent them for Christmas?

   I decided to beat Black Friday and start my Christmas shopping early. *Runs Amazon van off the road

   To any of my single Lady friends, if your wish to have me naked for Christmas, private message me. Thanks.

   Just put up my three foot Christmas tree, needed my six foot ladder to put the star on

   Dear Santa: Please refer to my Pinterest board.

   It's October...Which means it's time for people to put up the Christmas decorations they took down in July.

   The week between Christmas and New Year's should be called "Taint Week".

   How come no one has came up with a skeleton turkey inflatable with a santa hat on so you can put it out october 1st and take it down after Christmas.

   ‎"Girl, you must have farted, cuz you blew me away"--Using this pick up line as soon as the opportunity presents it self lmfao

   Dear Santa, what I want for Christmas is... your list with names of bad girls ;)