Funny Status Messages

   Women who bleach their mustaches, clearly don't understand the problem with mustaches.

   The Rapture will begin this saturday let those who believe be killed by rocks and sticks the day after by thugs like me!

   Mosquito season is here. Put a fabric softener dryer sheet in your pocket to keep those pesky critters at bay. Even if it doesn't work, the Skeeters will be velvety soft and attain an April Fresh scent.

   I miss being able to hang up rotary phone on people!

   Excuses are the nails used to build a house of failure..

   If anybody steals my identity, at least I'll know who to look for

   Thinking Washington will be the answer to the world's problems is like re-arranging the deck chairs on the Titanic.

   whoever said that kids get easier as they get older, musta been living in a fantasy land

   when the truth is gone.. the relationship is over.

   If the world ends tomorrow. I feel like it was somehow Sarah Palin's fault.

   There is nothing worse than smelling something disgusting and you're sitting by yourself. Is it me? Is it blowing in through the window? Is there a corpse rotting in the corner?

   After seeing Jennifer Aniston new boyfriend, I just realized that possibly I did have a chance....

   .If you have someone great in your life hold on to them and pull them close and keep them tight to you,if not someone else will.

   OMG!!! Anthony Weiner's wife is pregnant. Talk about a weiner working overtime....

   The Awkward moment when this random person waves at you, so you wave back and then you figure out they where waving to the person behind you :O

   For most things there's MasterCard For everything else there's Vodka

   I have seen the future, and the future is mustache rides.

   Why does Bob Dylan sound like the Cookie Monster and Marge Simpsons love child?

   After an evening of being snubbed at the Grammys, Justin Bieber reportedly spent the entire day in his Snuggie, crying into a pint of Ben and Jerry's. Humilated, Bieber was quoted as saying "I regret the day I was ever hatched"

   Interrsting Fact: If Hillary owned a building which caught on fire and killed a man, because there were no sprinkler systems in the building, people here would go through the roof.