santa AND presents AND christmas AND xmas AND holidays AND elfs Funny Status Messages

   I wrap all my Christmas gifts in bubble wrap.....it's like giving two gifts in one!

   I always thought my dad was great when I was growing up, he always got so pissed off every year when santa didnt bring me presents. I felt so lucky to be his son.

   It's February. Think now may be a good time to take down your freakin' Christmas lights? Hmm?

   This is ridiculous its July 8th... Neighbors are still shooting off fireworks, one almost caught my Christmas decorations on fire..

   I can't wait for a empty Christmas wrapping paper tube to bonk someone over the head with!

   What do people who send out family Christmas cards want from us?

   The liquor store clerk just wished me a Merry Christmas. As if he wasn't going to see me 5 more times before then.

   I have a problem with gingerbread people living in houses made of their flesh, but I promised not to bring it up and ruin Christmas again this year.

   “Ho ho oh my God I can’t stop giggling!” -Santa Claus, after eating cookies in homes across Canada

   I'll be home for Christmas.....and in therapy by New Years.

   Lady stabbed a guy singing Christmas Songs at the Mall. I bailed her out.

   You can tell the age of an artificial Christmas tree by the lines of duct tape around the box it's stored in.

   I'm 45 and I would still be tickled pink to wake up Christmas morning to a Barbie Dream House with accessories.

   This year my mother gave my son a drum set for Christmas. Which surprised me. I said to her don't you remember how you hated it when I played the drums when I was a kid? She replyed with a smile , I remember.

   There is nothing stopping a condom company from saying they are the only condoms worn by Santa Claus

   To all those who received a book from me as a Christmas present....They are due back at the library today.

   Just saw a Christmas tree drive by with a Smart Car strapped to the bottom of it.

   f you feel sad, remember: There are people out there right now buying last-minute Christmas presents for their cats.

   This "fancy" wine rack I got for Christmas is total crap. NONE of these boxes fit at all

   December is the month when the kids begin to discuss what to get Dad for Christmas. Some insist on a shirt; others a pair of socks, and the argument always ends in a tie.